


You and I will Build a Strong Foundation

by Forever_the_Peggy



Category: Hamilton - Miranda, Hamilton - Miranda (Broadway Cast) RPF
Genre: Alex is super into music, Alexander is Alexandra, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Anxiety, Depression, F/F, F/M, Foster Care, Fosterdad!Lin, Gay, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Insomnia, John is an adorable gay in every way, M/M, Nightmares, Past Child Abuse, Peggy is an asexual queen, Self-Hatred, Seriously he's great, Sexual Abuse, it's happier than it sounds don't worry, lots of gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-03-12
Packaged: 2018-09-18 19:58:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9400790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Forever_the_Peggy/pseuds/Forever_the_Peggy
Summary: Alexandra Hamilton is 14 years old. She's up to 2 years in the foster system. With her mother, father and brother gone, Alex has learnt to traverse the world on her own, getting herself into countless fights and debates. But now, something's changed. Alex isn't who she used to be. And now, she is off to 'Foster Family Number 12'. Will she get the help she needs? Lots of angst and a little bit of fluff. Includes references to self-harm and depression, so if that triggers you, please don't read. Your mental health is more important. Title is from "Dear Theodosia Reprise" (a cut song). Hope you enjoy! xox





	1. Talk less, smile more

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this is my first time actually publishing anything I write. I'm obsessed with the foster dad Lin au, so this has come to exist. Hope you enjoy!

Alexandra Hamilton’s leg bounced nervously on the floor of her social worker’s car. The vehicle had become a familiar sight to Alex throughout her two year stint in the New York foster system. The beige interior felt oddly homely to the fourteen-year-old at this point; a constant amidst her ever-changing homes and schools.

The girl and the social worker, Miss. Livingston, had been sitting in silence for the full journey so far, only increasing Alex’s already high anxiety levels. The usual questions cycled through her mind in a fuzzy haze, _who are they, what’ll be like, will they be any better_. Alex decided to break the ominous silence, “Who are they? The new foster family, that is” she trailed off.

Miss. Livingston sighed and turned to face Alex as they pulled up to a stop at a red light, “They’re a married couple, one kid, living in upper NYC.” The social worker turned back to face the road and the pair continued their journey up the greatest city in the world.

Alex nodded her head and turned to face out the window. Having other kids in the house always made life there a little harder for a foster kid. Alex Hamilton had never been one to make friends easily. Enemies, however, came by the bucketful. This was mostly due to the fact that she had the tendency to run off at the mouth, saying what she thought, even if the timing wasn’t exactly optimal. Most kids, and adults for that matter, took her as being an arrogant, smart-ass. But that was only half true. Alex knew her flaws, too well most of the time, but it cut any notion of arrogance out of the equation. In truth, as of late, she had learnt to remain quiet, keep her head down. Or else… no. No, she had told herself she wouldn’t think about that again. She couldn’t relive that again.

“We’re here.” Alex was pulled out of her thoughts by the car coming to a halt outside an apartment block.

The girl looked up as she and her social worker stepped out of the old car. The building was quite tall, maybe five stories high, with fire escapes on each floor besides the first. Alex imagined watching the sunset from the highest point. Seeing out to the West, soothing shades of purple, mingling with hot, burning orange. The two touching, clutching to eachother. The night and the day as one, looking down on the Earth in both its states, keeping watch. Alex wished she could paint the image in her head. Her mother had always loved the sunset too. Sometimes, on one of the rare occasions Rachel Faucette had a few hours to spare, she would take her daughter down to the beach and watch as the sun was covered by the horizon.

The building was composed of a red brick, with larger white blocks surrounding each rectangular window and climbing up and down each vertex and side of the apartments. In front of the door was a wide sidewalk adorned with bright street lights that illuminated the dusky evening.

The girl’s hands shook with anxiety as she reached for the old, ratty back-pack that encased the few possessions she had in the world. Alexandra Hamilton had just three items to her name- along with a few changes of clothes- that meant anything to her:

  1. Her i-pod full of music, her current favourites being ‘In The Heights’ and ‘Wicked’. She also owned any other musical you could name, and a few 70s and 80s classics, even some classical. Alex took to all music she could get her hands on. The i-pod was an old thing, a gift from her parents, her last birthday before her father left them. It was second hand even then.
  2. Her writings. The one thing she knew she could always do, was write her way out
  3. Most importantly, a crumpled photo of herself, her mother, and her brother. The trio sat on a bench looking out to the Nevis coastline, laughing together. The way it was and should always have been.



Alex kept these things in her mind as she walked slowly towards the door, reminding her of all that she was. The whole ‘new family’ thing never really got easier, even after eleven previous homes. This one was number twelve. Twelve hadn’t exactly been Alex’s lucky number, either. Two years ago, she had to watch her mother leave her, coughing and sweating, until she was finally at peace.

Alex pushed the memory out of her mind. Miss. Livingston rang the doorbell and to face the younger girl, “Alex, this is your last shot. Don’t throw this away. Please.” She placed her hand on Alex’s shoulder. The fourteen-year-old flinched away from even the minor contact occurring, _pleasedon’ttouchme. Nononogetaway. Don’ttouchme-_ the door opened, flooding the sidewalk with yellowish light. In the doorway stood a rather young couple, around mid-thirties.

The woman had collar-bone length hair clipped back into a half-up half-down style. She was wearing a pink floral shirt dress, comfortable yet stylish. The man stood next to her, had what appeared to be, shoulder-length dark hair swept back into a loose ponytail. He was wearing blue jeans and a cable-knit sweater. Clutched to his right hip sat a young boy dressed in Ninja Turtle pyjamas. He appeared to be around three months old and looked healthier and better fed than any other child Alex had ever lived with. But the babies were always better cared for.

“Hi,” said the woman, “come in, come in, it must be freezing out there.” It was actually, with the damp February sidewalk and Alex’s near sole-less sneakers.

The couple stood back as Alex and Miss. Livingston trudged in. The apartment was homely, with light yellow walls adorned with family photos and art. The place was well lit and smelt of a light dusting of cinnamon. They were stood in a small hallway, with a staircase on the left hand wall. There was a door on the left just before the stairs and one opposite that on the right, further up the hallway, Alex could see an open door leading to a modern-looking kitchen.

The couple smiled widely at their new arrivals, “It’s lovely to meet you, I’m Vanessa,” The woman said, outstretching her hand to Alex, which she warily shook with a weak grip. “and this is my husband, Lin-Manuel.” Vanessa continued, Alex took his hand as well, even more gingerly.

“I just go by Lin,” the man smiled warmly, “and this is our son Sebastian. He’s only three months so I’ll put him to bed now.” Alex thought she recognised his voice from somewhere, but she couldn’t quite place it. Lin walked up the stairs, soothing his son all the way.

Miss. Livingston looked at Alex expectantly when Lin came back down the stairs, still smiling. _Right… yeah_ she thought before introducing herself, “Alexandra Hamilton, but I prefer Alex. It’s nice to meet you.” She said, making a conscious effort to keep her answer short, so as to annoy ‘foster family number twelve’.

“Well I just have a few final pieces of paperwork to go through with you, Mr and Mrs. Miranda.” The social worker said curtly.

“Of course,” Vanessa answered, “Lin could you take Alex into the living room while we do this?” she asked politely.

“Yeah, sure!” Lin answered, leading Alex through the door on the left, “This way, kiddo.”


	2. Respira

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from 'In the Heights'. Trigger warning for a small panic attack, stay safe, lovelies. Hope you enjoy! xox

Alex walked cautiously into the living room. It was warm and bright. A cream fabric L-shaped sofa and an over large TV sat at opposite corners of the room. The walls were spattered with family portraits and other mementos. In another cabinet sat a cabinet, spilling open with children’s toys and topped with a Crosley suitcase style record player, coloured a deep, mahogany brown with a red lining inside the lid. One wall was almost all window with a blackened view of the New York City skyline. It was overwhelmingly homely and Alex knew she stuck out like a sore thumb.

She stood awkwardly on the luxurious shag-pile carpet, “Take a seat wherever.” _god he must think I’m so weird._ Alex sat awkwardly on the edge of the seat nearest the door. Lin sat on the opposite side. _Oh shit_ she thought _ohshitohshitohshit!_ She was alone with him _whatifwhatif? Nonono! Get away! I need to get out IneedtogetoutIneedtoIneedto…_ her breathing quickened, her throat was getting tighter, she felt the familiar weight land on her chest, a crushing blow. It was all too loud, the silence and serenity of that house. No this couldn’t happen, not now, not when she’d just arrived. She needed to get out but she couldn’t move the crushing weight fixed her in her place. They’d hate her, think she was weird, kick her out-

“You alright, Alex?” Lin question. Alex attempted a nod in response but he didn’t seem satisfied with the tiny movement she performed, “Hey, hey, it’s alright, kiddo. Just try and breathe slowly, yeah?” he shifted infinitesimally closer. “Breathe with me, okay Alex? In; one, two, three. Hold; one, two, three. Out; one, two, three,” the man breathed slowly in, hold, out. Eventually, Alex managed to syncronise to Lin’s pattern. She paid attention to the numbers, holding onto each one carefully, translating them into Spanish in her head. As if her mother was here again, helping her to breathe, to carry on.

As her breathing levelled out, Alex felt an immediate shadow of shame cast itself down on her, “Sorry…” she managed to mutter out quickly.

“Hey, hey, no! You don’t have to apologise for. I’m sure it’s pretty scary doing all this, huh?” Alex nodded in response, affirming Lin’s statement.

“Okay, all done.” Alex could hear her social worker’s voice coming from the hall. She popped her head into the room, “Alex, you have my number. Call me if there any problems,” Lin shot out of his seat to see Miss Livingston out, as she gave her final statement, “let me know if there’s anything wrong. She can be quite a handful.” Alex blushed upon her social worker’s words.

The door shut and Lin came back in, “You ready for the grand tour?” Alex nodded and followed Lin out of the room and up the stairs, unsteady on her first few steps, still regaining her breath and a clear mind. She was used to that feeling by now. Vanessa followed behind her.

Up the stairs were five doors. Lin opened the first door, “This is the bathroom, we’ll get you some toiletries soon.” Alex knew she should argue with that. She shouldn’t accept gifts from someone who she knew would turn sour. She didn’t deserve the gifts anyway.

The next two doors were Lin and Vanessa’s, and Sebastian’s respectively. “And this,” Lin swung the fourth door along open “is my office!” he said proudly, puffing his chest out like he was the alfa male lion of the pride.

“More like pigsty.” Vanessa chimed in. Lin playfully pushed her shoulder as Alex peered in. In the centre of the room was a polished, beautiful, black baby grand piano. The back wall was entirely covered in a packed bookshelf. Alex was entranced, “You like it?” Lin asked comically.

“Absolutely!” Alex replied; Lin chuckled.

They moved on to the final door – Alex’s room. The door was opened and Alex shuffled inside. The walls were painted in a pale, cornflower blue, with pale yellow curtains and bedding. It reminded Alex of the beach outside her house on Nevis; bright, beautiful, calming. Perfect.

“I-it’s all mine?” Alex thought aloud.

“Of course.” Vanessa replied. Alex just stood, awestruck, she had never had her own room before and she couldn’t quite comprehend the generosity being shown by the Miranda’s. “We were thinking of getting take-out tonight,” Vanessa prompted, “you can choose.”

Alex mulled this over. To anyone else it would seem like a simple question but to Alex it felt like the first test of her new house, _it’s all downhill from here. So many things are going wrong already. What if I make a choice they don’t like?_ After a long pause, Alex quickly asked, “Is-uhm-is pizza okay?” her words were muffled by the over-large sweater that adorned her.

“Of course it is!” Lin answered, enthusiastically. Alex smiled politely, to which Lin frowned a little but when Alex looked back, his face was back to neutral.

♦♦♦♦♦♦♦

Later that evening, Alex, Lin and Vanessa sat around the dining room table munching on pepperoni pizza. “So,” Lin began, breaking the silence, “do you like school, Alex?” Lin was clearly searching for topics but Alex didn’t mind, school was one thing she could talk about all day.

“I do, actually, yeah. I just love learning new things. Although, back home, the school didn’t have twenty books to its name.” oh shit, she had overshared hadn’t she?

“I was exactly the same. Liked school so much I went back as a sub!” Lin retorted.

“Oh you’re a teacher?” Alex asked.

“Well, not anymore. I’m more of a writer these days.”

“Oh, me too! I love writing, it’s the only thing that keeps me going.” _Calm down, Hamilton, they don’t need to know._

“Really?” Lin asked, sounding genuinely enthralled, “What sort of writing?”

“Pretty much everything; poetry, stories, essays. You?”

“Well, I’m actually more of a music writer, despite my background in English.”

Alex quirked an eyebrow, “What sort of music?” she asked.

“Hip-hop, musical theatre. All sorts. I’m just about to put on a new show, actually. Which, coincidently, is called Hamilton!” Lin laughed.

“Wait. A show? Hang on - you’re – oh my god! How did I not realise – I knew I recognised your voice! You’re Lin-Manuel Miranda?! As in ‘In The Heights’?”

“You know it?”

“Yeah, of course!” Alex replied, ecstatic as to finding out who she would now be living with, “It’s one of my favourites, me and my brother used to-“Alex stopped....

Her brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it! Sorry for the amount of speech at the end, I needed a way for the plot to move a little quicker xox


	3. In The Eye of a Hurricane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for a panic attack / flashback in this chapter. Stay safe, lovelies. Hope you enjoy it! xox

Alex looked back down at her food awkwardly. She shouldn’t have told them so much, _they hate me already_ she thought, _they’re gonna send me back, just as soon as the see how truly fucked up I am. Way to go, Hamilton._

Alex was so caught up in her thoughts, she didn’t even notice the now worried glances being exchanged between her new foster parents.

“So,” Lin began, in an attempt to clear the air “do you do any musical stuff, Alex?” he said, attempting to gently pull Alex out of her thoughts.

“Uh, no, not really, anymore.” Alex looked down at her fidgeting hands again.

The three of them finished their meal in silence. Intermittently, Lin would open his mouth, as if he were about to say something, but he would close it again as quickly as he’d opened it.

            ♦♦♦♦♦♦♦

After dinner, the three of them sat on the cream sofa in the living room. Alex sat on the far edge, close to the door, away from the cuddling Lin and Vanessa. This is where she liked to position herself, always ready to escape.

“So you’ve seriously never seen ‘The Little Mermaid’! How?” Lin exclaimed for at least the third time in the past half hour.

“Am I supposed to have done?” Alex asked nervously, a little confused as to why Lin was so ecstatic about what appeared to be a children’s film.

“Yeah, it’s what got me into musicals in the first place!” Lin answered, still far too enthusiastically for a grown man in his thirties to be talking about a Disney film.

“Oh,” Alex replied, “cool.” In an attempt to backtrack her previous over-sharing, she was now trying to say as little as possible. Even if her new foster family were somewhat well-known, there was no guaranteeing that they wouldn’t be just like the rest of her ‘homes’. _Maybe they’ll be even worse, I mean who really takes in a foster kid just as they’re about put a new show on? They probably just want the good publicity._ Alex told herself.

“Alex?” Vanessa questioned, “are you alright, sweetie?”

Alexandra visibly cringed at the use of the affectionate term. If the Miranda’s noticed, they didn’t say anything. “Yeah, I’m fine.” Alex replied curtly as she turned back to face the television, annoyed that she had let her emotions show, making herself more vulnerable.

Lin had finally found the DVD and set it up to play whilst muttering to himself in third person, “Old Man Miranda back again.”. As he sat back down, he placed himself slightly closer to Alex than he had been before, probably in a way meant to be comforting to the young girl. Alex fought back the urge to shift away, not wanting to annoy the new family further.

The newly-formed family watched the film in enraptured silence. Alex was enthralled throughout, seeing just why Lin loved this film so much. That was until the storm scene appeared on the screen. The girl’s serene expression turned to one of absolute terror.

♦♦♦♦♦♦♦

Alex is brought right back to the night of the hurricane that ravaged her home town. Took her brother’s life. She can feel the swirling, dirty water creeping up her thighs and beyond. The few belongings she’d managed to scramble together are held high above her head, as if in offering to every god she didn’t believe in to get her out of this place.

The howling wind picks up again, reaching a massive crescendo; swirling, circling, entangling every piece of loose rubble in its entrancing grasp.

The usually soft rustling of the leaves has become a deafening symphony.

The swishing waters Alex had splashed and played in, in her youth, have become a murky prison, welcoming any wayfaring stranger into its midst. A death sentence.

She sees her brother edging away, out of the corner of her eye. “Jemmy!” she cried, desperate to get to her older sibling, the one thing she has left of her old life; before her father, her mother, left. And now, he was leaving too.

“Jemmy! No!” she pleads with the water to let her pass. She claws at the bricks and the rubble, desperately trying to make it through to him. Her lifeline.

He is edging further away. Slowly losing energy, absently sliding under the crashing waves.

“Jemmy, please!” the girl cries. Her face is wet with tears and hard, icy rain. “You can’t go!”. She looks down to see her hands bleeding from the effort of trying to get to her brother. “Not you. Please not you!”. She slowly begins to see black.

 _Not him, not him_ ,  _why him? Why not me? I can’t seem to die._ Her world goes black. Her world goes silent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it, I know it was a bit of a shorter chapter. But I'm slowly improving. Please let me know if there's anything you'd like to see included in this story! Next chapter should be a lot fluffier don't worry xox


	4. Everything's Alright

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Sorry for not updating in literally a month, life's been hectic. But I'm back! So let's do this... (chapter title is a little Jesus Christ Superstar reference so there ya go)
> 
> Also Trigger Warning for a brief mention of self-harm, nothing graphic. But if you're easily triggered, please be careful, your mental health is more important.

When Alex came to, she was lying on the sofa. No, this wasn’t right, this wasn’t the right sofa, not the right house, _where am I?_ she thought, struggling to get past the fogginess in her brain.

“You’re at home, Alex.” Someone, far away, said. So she said that aloud?

“No… no I’m not. Mamá? Where’s Mamá? Jemmy?” panic rose in the girl’s stomach.

“Alex, it’s alright. You’re safe. It’s me, sweetie. It’s Lin. Do you remember?”

Right. Lin, the Miranda’s, Washington Heights, and the Foster system. Of course.

“What… what happened?” Alex asked cautiously, thinking she may already know the answer.

“Well we were watching ‘The Little Mermaid’ and the storm scene came up and you just, sort of… froze? Like you weren’t really here. You started shaking and crying after someone called Jemmy? I think?”

Alex slowly sat up, her head heavy with emotion and shame. “’M sorry.”

“You’re sorry? What for? You don’t have to apologise for things you can’t help, like a panic attack.” Lin exclaimed, clearly confused at Alex’s response. The man attempted to shuffle closer to the shaking girl

“Please don’t hurt me! Please!” Alex curled further in on herself, raising her hands up to her head, anticipating a hit.

Lin was clearly shocked by the genuine fear rolling off of the young girl in front of them. Lin was the first to speak, “Alex, I will never, ever hurt you. No matter what you do or what happens to you”

Alex seemed unconvinced but slowly lowered her arms anyway, not yet uncurling herself. “Are you going to send me back? I don’t mind, but still, could I maybe stay the night? It’s just that-“

Lin cut off Alex’s rambling, “Alex, we’re not going to send you back. Not unless you want to go. Why would we do that?”

“Because I’m completely fucked up! And now you’ve seen it. And why would you ever foster a kid who’s not perfect?! I don’t deserve help. I don’t –“ Alex cut herself off this time with a gut-felt sob. She began to shake, further curling on herself, something her new foster parent didn’t think possible.

“Alex. Alex! It’s alright, you’re not going back. We want to help you and you deserve that help. You do. We want you, Alex, not anyone else. At least if you’ll let us” Lin attempted.

Alex slowly came out of her fear-induced misery. As she did, Vanessa came back into the living room, clutching a glass of water and a small pile of folded clothes. She passed both objects over to the girl on her sofa. “Sip slowly, sweetheart. That’s it.” She said, encouraging Alex to drink. “I thought you might need some clean pyjamas. I wasn’t sure if your bag had any. Unfortunately, I just steal Lin’s clothes to sleep in, so you’re gonna have to do the same. If that’s alright?”

“That’s fine. Thank you.” Alex rasped.

“Ah, so that’s where my blue t-shirt went. A house of thieves! That’s where I live!” Lin cried, jokingly exasperated. Alex forced a light laugh.  

“Okay, why don’t you get yourself cleaned up? There’s a spare toothbrush under the bathroom sink, if you need it.” Vanessa said, motherly.

Alex hauled herself off the cream sofa, walked out of the room and up the wooden staircase, as Lin and Vanessa shared worried looks.

As she reached the bathroom, Alex locked the door and carefully pulled her over-sized, dark green seater and black skinny jeans off. When this was done, she turned to face herself in the mirror, hating what she saw. Blue and blackened skin on her stomach, neck and thighs. The last home had been careful to keep the bruises off her face so that no-one could see them. She turned to the side slightly, noting her too thin arms criss-crossed with scars of varying shades of pink, white and red, standing out on her tan skin.

She quickly pulled on Lin’s large, baggy t-shirt, praising the lord it was long-sleeved. Next, she hoisted up a long pair of grey sweatpants, pulling the drawstring as tight as it would go, just to keep them up. Noting she looked a bit like a scare-crow, Alex began searching for the aforementioned toothbrush. It turned out to be a plain red one. She brushed her teeth and turned off the light, making her way across the landing to her new room.

The 14-year-old laid her head on the pillow, pulled the covers up to her chin, feeling safely cocooned. She turned off her bedside light just as Lin opened the door, “G’night, Alex. Sweet dreams.” He turned to leave.

“Lin?” Alex asked, Lin turning back, “Thank you… for, you know…”

Lin nodded, “It’s alright, Alex. We really do care about you, you know. You can always come to us with anything, anything at all”. The girl simply nodded in response, before burrowing herself deeper into the covers. Lin left, quietly shutting the door. Alexandra slipped into a thankfully dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked. I know there's like a chapter for every hour so far, but it'll pick up soon, I promise.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it! Thanks for getting this far! Any constructive criticism is much appreciated! xox


End file.
